You wanna see my flying squirrel?

You want to see my flying squirrel? I was running yesterday and I was thinking about my flying squirrel problem. Here is a picture of what happens when you jog in South Texas in the heat.

I need more talc I guess.

Quarter life crisis!

Can you have a quarter life crisis? I am not quite at the pony-tail corvette time line, but I am increasingly concerned with the news, I talk about gardening and I spend my time online reading about running and the correct footwear. I remember when I used to be hairy, wear a patched covered jacket and drink beer at noon on a weekday. Now I wonder if I should switch the plant food I buy and if I should water the front or back yard tonight. When do things change and is their any point in fighting it?

Summertime

Just breaking out the swim suits for summer.

I want that?

What child wouldn't want to count the number of times they chew. 31, 32..Yay! 33 chews.

Because you just don't want to have to keep blowing.

Finally, make the cat useful by sweeping the floor.
I am glad my pumps are no longer getting wet.
Great, when you are wearing pants without pockets.

Laughing just to keep from crying.

I am being consumed and forgotten by a wave of unisex homogenized pattern?

I hate scarfs (scarves?). What is the plural form of scarf? Why would I wear that a retro tee? Am I hot or cold. Just my neck area down to my belly button. Why I am supposed to wear this suit coat and bolo-tie with a plain white Tee and rhinestone covered jeans? It is like Miami Vice, Kanye West and Twenty-One Jumpstreet have crapped in my eye-lids.

You are my nemisis. Fedora and sneakers, together? Makes vomit start to form in my mouth. Why would I want to re-visit the BK's with day-glow laces? I got rid of in the 3rd grade.

Skinny jeans make everyone look fat except crack-heads. If I needed some help to look more obese than I already am, I would wear bike-shorts and a half tee. There is no function left anymore.

Play on your I-phone and wonder if mediocrity is supposed to feel this good. Let's be hip and live in a loft. I can be defined by a thirty by thirty cell full of crap. Hipster-ism is a prison state popularized by your music television and a man with a pony-tail and and bedazzled jacket.

You could see me crying, but my bangs are in front of my eyes. I hate the "fashion". I would ignore it but they place the 700 page book of mind-control advertisements right in front of the check out register. That way I am thoroughly nauseated while I am trying to buy building supplies and basic nourishment.

Baywatched

Some people stand in the darkness
Afraid to step into the light
Some people need to help somebody
When the edge of surrender’s in sight..

Don’t you worry!
Its gonna be alright
‘cause I’m always ready,
I won’t let you out of my sight.

I’ll be ready (I’ll be ready)
Never you fear (no don’t you fear)
I’ll be ready
Forever and always
I’m always here.

40 acres and a mule

I planted my victory garden the other day. Put on my overalls and worked the dirt. Next I need a wine making set-up and a "still" and I am set.

Cucumbers, carrots, peppers, spinach, mustard, peas and dill. Citrus bushes. Maybe some grapes.

I need 40 acres and mule. I guess I would settle for 20 acres and a donkey or a really short horse. Now let's cross our fingers for rain.

Midnight Meat Train

Vinnie Jones and a hammer. That is all I need to say. Watch it.

Bi-sickle

I totally made the huffy even more boss than before. Mini-apes and flame grips.

I took it around the block and it rides sweet. I love my bi-sickle. I love the new extra rad spelling of bicycle.

1%... I am more of a 2.5%!

1%. I am more of a 2.5%. Maybe 1.8%. I am copyrighting that. I don't know why, but I want to join the hog rebellion.

Screw all that sock-hop crap with vintage cars. Ugly girls with bangs and too much time and money spent on clothes and hair. All that wasted energy to have some jackass start singing "go grease lighting..." I want a bike. Who's got 6k for me.

Ed Roth always makes a cartoon look tough. Mine never look that tough. Screw that guy.

Bootie shorts: not the best thing on earth but close to it. I am totally copyrighting that for a bumber sticker.

Now I want to go home and watch the Wild Angels or Werewolves on Wheels put on my cut and drink some early times. I think I rambling. I will stop now.

Juice Tiger!

I got a brand new "Juice Tiger" and some "ape hanger" handle bars for my huffy. I have to say that it has turned out to be good day. Minus the fact I feel awful. I had a wheat grass shot at lunch and feel somewhat better. Can't wait to get the bars on and do some ridin, bra. By the power of juice.

Greasy as..

I have come to the conclusion that other products just don't do the trick like the Royal Crown. That foo-foo crap doesn't do squat and it smells like kiwi-banana. Too metro for me. The beeswax doesn't comb through and isn't "chiney" enough.

My next step is to switch to straight small engine oil.

I have come to fuck up your pillows! Stay Greasy!

Sold my camo truck

I sold my camouflage f-150 today. I wonder if they take away your texan status for that kind of activity.

The Tejano is a little low!

I couldn't get our 2002 maroon Ford Ranger started today. It just wouldn't turn over. Then I realized that it was low on tejano. Sure enough. I turned up the stereo, and the truck turned over. I wish they put a gauge to tell how much tejano is left. That is just a tip from one South Texas car guy to another.

Calexico equals Genius

Calexico:

If you have listened to them and do not understand the complexity, intellegence and lack of suck applied to the spaghetti western-jazz-mariachi-folk that they produce.......You may be lacking a soul. You surely do not appreciate enchiladas verde and I do not want to know you.

You also have probably not seen the "Man with No Name" trilogy. Shame on you.

We all love

I can't help myself. I love mexican ladies and enchiladas. That is why I am getting fat and haggard.

Fasting

I am trying fasting. Like most men I have an addiction to men's health e-mails and articles about a better "new" you. Women fall for it to thanks to Oprah's Wizard of Oz. I have successfuly made it 24 hours and I am shooting for 3o. I have only drank water since yesterday. I may be crazy, but it keeps me from going insane.

Kip Winger and Family

What do you get when you mix Mr. Big and Vixen?
I like a family that sticks together and shares the same likes and dislikes. Like hair spray, crimping irons and pirate shirts.

What do you do when you are finished giving yourself a perm and you have extra. Let the whole family in on the fun. I guess they all wanted to look like Beast from The Beauty and The Beast TV series. The nice things about that look is that he can share eye liner with his wife. The 80's. No one got away without a few bad memories.

To the victor goes the slack

To understand is to lie. True understanding comes from the ability to realize "misunderstanding" and the futility in achieving the fore mentioned "understanding". To strive is to fail. Stop and smell the flowers of slack.

To know the system is to admit you cannot change the system. So stop trying. Be slack, eat slack and love slack. Drink the kool-aid of mediocrity and enjoy the rewards of a well reaped life. Determination is for train engines and the ones who toil. Free your mind and your recliner foot-rest will follow.

Tokyo Gore

Tokyo Gore Police is the creepy cousin of bizarre films. I dig it.

Any movie that has a fight scene between a girl and a school-girl outfit and a gimp with samuarai swords for appendages is a must watch. Just when you think it has gotten weird they go a little further. Engrish dub so no readin' required. Japan is rad.